10 of my favorite movies that don't pass the Bechdel test

The Bechdel Test: The movie must have
1. Two women characters...
2. Who talk to each other...
3. About something other than a man.

Here we go:
1. Rushmore directed by Wes Anderson
Possibly my favorite movie. There are exactly 2 (named) women characters who never talk. The Royal Tennenbaums passes, Fantastic Mr. Fox & Darjeeling Limited fail.

2. Almost Famous written & directed by Cameron Crowe
A semi-autobiographical tale of the writer's adolescence following rock stars and writing for Rolling Stone. The "band-aids" talk to each other, about men.

3. Toy Story directed by John Lasseter
Andy's mom and Little Bo Peep are female, but they don't talk. Toy Story 3 passes!

4. The Shawshank Redemption written & directed by Frank Darabont
As it's mainly set in a men's prison, failing the test is understandable.

5. Superbad written by Seth Rogan & Evan Goldberg
The two named female characters don't really interact, until the end and we don't know what they are talking about.

6. Real Genius starring Val Kilmer & a bunch of people who never made another movie
This one pains me! There is a girl genius integral to the plot, but she never talks to any of the other 2 women, who only exist to bang the male geniuses.

8. The 40 Year Old Virgin written & directed by Judd Apatow, the king of sensitive feminist movie scripts
Women (other than the always brilliant Jane Lynch (playing a part originally written for a man!)) are flat, secondary characters, good for banging.

9. Ace Ventura starring Jim Carey in his oscar nominated role
You think that there are two women who talk to each other about something other than men in this movie, but nope! SPOILER ALERT: Lt. Einhorn is a man!

10. Indiana Jones Trilogy directed by Steven Spielberg
In the Indiana Jones trilogy (what fourth movie?!), there are 3 major female characters. One is a prissy prissy princess who screams, just beause she is covered by giant insects. One is a doctor, but, on the downside, a Nazi. One is kind of a bad ass, but she still ends up needing rescued. Poor showing, Steven Spielberg. I'll have to think twice about naming my first son Indiana.

Dreams of my (fake) father

Last night I dreamed that I was the oldest Obama daughter.

Obama was totally a Harrison-Ford-in-Air-Force-One-badass president and we were riding in a jeep to some do some top secret (most likely badass) mission.

Because it was so top secret, we couldn't have any secret service with us, so Barack had to infiltrate the enemy head quarters solo while I distracted the evil government officials from Some-Other-Country-istan.

But because my father, Barack Obama, did not want me to be unsafe, I did all my secret agent-ing from the back of a highly trained, extremely effective security elephant.

Sadly, I woke up before I found out if our mission had been a successful one.

Woo! Woo! I COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED!

Today is the premiere of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Here are some facts about me and my long history with Indiana Jones.

1. The first movie I ever attended (at age 2 months) was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Apparently, I started to cry, so my mom missed the ending.

2. The first movie I remember seeing at the theater was Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

3. My first love (at age 5) was Indiana Jones.

4. I had one of those cassette tapes that went along with a picture book for Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. The audio tape narrated the story, and told you when to turn the page by a cracking whip noise. It was awesome.

5. This story may be apocryphal, but my mom claims it's true. At some point in the early nineties (probably 90 or 91), my family was watching some show on tv, and on it, Steven Speilberg announced that they weren't making anymore Indiana Jones movies and I started crying. I have no memory of this, but my mom insists that it is true.

6. I would wear an Indiana Jones hat to the premiere tonight, but I can't. I used to have one, but our dog chewed it up when he was a puppy.

7. I was an archaeology major for a while.

8. I still have this poster on the wall of my bedroom at home:

Countdowns

Here are some countdowns to some important things upcoming in my life:

Ski to Sea: 6 days.














Indiana Jones Movie Premier: 3 days.

End of VISTA: 38 work days!!!!!!

Boyfriends

In my life, I have had two boyfriends (Right, Nicole?), but I don't have one now. Here is a list of my top eleven fake boyfriends:

11. Mr. Darcy. He's handsome, he's rich, he's kind of an asshole...what's not to love?

10. Andy Bernard from The Office. Most girls would probably pick Jim, but they just don't know how to have fun in a relationship.

9. Bill Haverchuck from Freaks and Geeks. Just look at that smile!

8. Nick from Freaks & Geeks. He plays the drums. I have a thing for drummers. He romantically recites metal lyrics to his girlfriend.

7. Eric from Undeclared. He works at Copy Town and could make me a pillowcase with his face on it.

6. Stephen Cobert. Date, Do, or Dump: Conan O'Brien, Stephen Colbert, and John Stewart? Dump Conan, Do John, and Date Steve.

5. The Natural. Oh, hey there Robert Redford in baseball pants.

4. Barack Hussein Obama. I'm looking for a man with a body like Barack and a Denzel Face.

3. Justin Timberlake. The way he moves is so hot.

2. Special Agent Fox Mulder. Newsflash: I am actually a huge geek, and nowhere is it more apparent than in my love for the X-Files. I am almost as excited about the new X-Files movie as the Olympics. Call me, Mulder!

1. Indiana Jones. He was my first love. I was four when The Last Crusade came out and I've never looked back. When I was seven or so, it was announced that there weren't going to be anymore Indiana Jones movies. According to my mom, I started crying. The new Indiana Jones movie is more exciting than the Olympics.